


The Case of The Missing Marbles

by TijuanaTango



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Post S2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 00:02:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13201416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TijuanaTango/pseuds/TijuanaTango
Summary: A mysterious and suddenly appearing toy car sets the families on a new case:  The Case of The Missing Marbles.  Who, or what, is Q.L.? And what is with Seattle these days?





	1. We need to find Dirk Gently.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The families start a new case.

Amanda lay silently in the back of the van, careful not to make any noise out of the ordinary so that her boys could sleep in. They’d been up late that night after a particularly rowdy party, which here means that the six of them took down an entire criminal organization in about three hours. Vogel fell asleep on the roof of the vehicle, she could hear him whimpering in his sleep. Martin sat in the drivers seat snoring loudly, his hand still clasped around a can of PBR. Cross was sleeping next to Amanda, one of his eyes open just enough to be creepy, and Gripps was sleeping face down in the dirt outside, he’d fallen asleep counting pebbles. The doors were all open but the lights in the van were off and Amanda silently thanked the universe for supplying them with a vehicle that never needed a jump start or gas.

“Boss! Beast is watching me sleep again!” Vogel whined in a shrill squeak of tired and hungover boy voice.  
“Nyah watchying sleev. Watchying breev” Beast said from her parrot’s perch on the hood of the van.

Vogel tossed and turned apparently becoming aware of his exposure to the elements and then jumped down to join Martin in the front seats, where he went back to sleep. Beast stared at the two through the windshield, smiling impishly. Martin startled, saw the girl watching him, groaned, and turned over, pressing his forehead into the glass and crunching the can of beer in his fist. Amanda smiled and turned her head to look at Cross who had woken up. He smiled and got out of the van to check on Gripps.

In less than an hour most of the group was stirring, though Martin was still asleep, a perfectly circular red mark growing on his forehead where it met the glass. Vogel giggled every time he saw it but tried to hide his excitement by suddenly pointing at innocuous things like the dirt or a distant tree, or a small toy car that suddenly appeared beneath the back tire of the van.

“Hey, drummer? Is this mine?” He said, picking up the toy and spinning its wheels with his fingers. “I don’t play with cars.” He said, perplexed.  
Amanda took the car from him and turned it over in her hands. She remembered it, but couldn’t recall from where.  
“It’s... It’s mine.” She said quietly, putting it in her pocket and walking off towards the rising sun. Vogel shrugged and ran over to the fire Gripps had built. He jumped over it and shrieked, finally rousing Martin.  
Amanda walked until her bare feet couldn’t take it anymore and finally rested on a large dusty rock. They’d found themselves in the center of a gravel pit somewhere in western Washington. Near the van was a small pond leftover from the end of winter, but around the rim of the pit were fresh blooming spring flowers and bright green trees. It was like they’d found themselves in the place where Spring forgot. It was cold where the sun didn’t touch and a bit of the tiny pond had a small amount of ice covering it. Not enough that you could see it from where she was, but when Gripps tried to throw Beast in it the night before in a drunken rough-housing incident the whole top shattered and sunk to the bottom. The gravel was smooth but cold, and probably too hard to walk on with bare feet but it beat re-lacing her shin high boots, or worse, wearing Cross’s pink crocs.  
She slowly slid off of the rock so that her bottom was on the gravel and her back was against it and she ignored the cold chill that was working itself through her grey leather jacket, her t-shirt, and finally her skin. She pulled the car out of her pocket and turned it over again, tracing her fingers absently across two letters carved into its hood, “QL” it said.

“Y’all right there drummer?” Martin’s gruff morning voice startled Amanda, causing her to abruptly jolt forward and then smash her back into the hard rock in the recoil. Martin jumped into action and sat in front of her. He grabbed her straining face in his cold hand and forced her to make eye contact.  
“I’m.. I’m havin- having an attack” she said, only it wasn’t the usual screams and chills. She’d been doing this a lot lately. Her eyes looked miles ahead of her, directly through Martin as if he weren’t even there anymore, and her mouth quivered in a near smile.  
“Breakfast, boys!” Martin called out and the three punk rock vampires bolted towards them, Beast trotting along behind them on all fours.

The boys stood around her in a perfect circle and breathed in her pain, her sadness, her unending question of her place in the universe, and finally she let out a shriek. It hurt Martin’s ears the first time he heard it but at this point he’d grown used to it. He joked that the sound was nothing compared to the old Mexican Funeral CD they listened to when they needed something to smash windows to. It hurt his heart now, in a way he’d never felt before, and the boys felt it too. Beast watched in excited horror, jumping up and down and running around them as the blue energy left Amanda’s shaking body and touched their lips.

“Geddid rardy tree! Geddid!” She yelled, her movements falling in step with Amanda’s.  
When the attack finally subsided the six of them sat still, Beast stared at her boys, the boys stared at their drummer, and Amanda stared at the sky, a sudden rush of clarity falling over her like a heavy rain. She shot up into a sitting position, located the toy car from the gravel and started laughing hysterically. Vogel and Beast joined in, jumping and dancing around her, but Martin, Gripps and Cross shared a look between them that said they weren’t sure their boss was going to be okay.  
Amanda stood up and walked over to Martin, grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a good shake.  
“We need to find Dirk Gently,” she said.  
_________________________________________

“Oh come on Todd it’s not like I’m trying to get into trouble. You know as well as anybody else that trouble gets into me just fine by itself.” Dirk paused, rolled the words he’d just spoke around in his mouth for a moment and then, “I mean only with permission of course.” This was his attempt at a dirty joke. This was peak Dirk Gently. He’d made a dirty joke, and at the same time had proven Todd’s point that he often did unnecessarily mischievous things when on a case.  
“You realize what you just said, right?” Todd said.  
“Duh, it’s a joke. I’ve been practicing and I think that if you’d just give it a chance you’d come to like the new, funnier, more light hearted and lovable Dirk Gently.” Dirk said, hands on his hips.  
Todd groaned and continued to tally marbles as he put them into a large glass jar on the reception desk. It’d been two days since their last case, the case of a horse that had faked it’s own death, had ended and the office was still a mess. Some time deep in the night Dirk had made his way into the reception area and smashed the “guess how many marbles” jar with his bare hands, and Todd was frankly having none of his bull today.  
“We’re missing twenty seven marbles, Dirk. How do you lose that many marbles.” Todd said.  
“Well if you can’t find them they weren’t meant to be in that jar, now were they?” Dirk said, putting his jacket on. “Hey, I was thinking we should have a pizza, NO! Two pizzas. Two pizzas in celebration of a job well done. I’ll order it right now! You do that, and I’ll get, what, cheese and um... What do you think, maybe pepperoni?” Dirk said, leaning on the table inches away from Todd’s unimpressed scowl.  
“Dirk we don’t have any money. You neglected to ask the client to transfer the funds to the business account and decided to go buy yourself a few new-“ Todd pinched Dirk on the shoulder “-fucking. Leather jackets!”  
Dirk frowned and stepped back.  
“You don’t have to be such a spoil sport all of the time Todd. It gets old really quickly.” Dirk said, walking across the room. He paused directly in the center of the room and spun around three times, each time getting a little faster.  
“Todd. I need to go for a walk.” Dirk said, a smile growing on his face like a kid with a new toy. Todd shook his head and a playful smile flashed across his face as he and Dirk ran out the door, locking up before they went out into the dark city.

“So where to?” Todd asked.  
“No clue.” Dirk said with an uncannily serious tone in his voice. His brows knitted together and his long stride quickened, forcing Todd to trot along side him.  
“Well we’re headed towards SoDo... Maybe we were meant to catch the Giggle Shits concert tonight?” Todd said, suddenly painfully aware that he was wearing an X-Files t-shirt and Dirk’s khaki pants. “You know, it would be really nice if the universe would at least let me change into something a little more fashionable before we started a case. Remember last time? I was wearing flip flops at the Rodeo for craps sake.” Todd said.  
Dirk stopped suddenly, turned to his companion and grabbed him by the shoulders, a sarcastic look spreading across his face. “That’s not how it works, Todd. Maybe you should just do like I do and dress fabulously every day just in case.” He said with a grin and kept walking.  
“Uh, excuse me? I saw you wear nothing but a lady’s nightgown and a Sounders scarf two nights ago to the Stop’N’Shop at three in the morning, so that advice hardly stands.” Todd said.  
“Oh, right, like a case is going to start at the Stop’N’Shop. Get real Todd, they have deep fried candied tripe there, I mean I could easily see it as a soft spot in space time, but it’s hardly a cause for concern.”  
“You don’t think deep fried candied tripe is a cause for concern?”  
The pair rounded a corner and it took their eyes a moment to register what they were looking at in the bright neon lights. “Stop’N’Shop, Open 23 hours.” The sign flickered in the night and suddenly everything was a little more quiet than it should be at 8pm on a Friday night in downtown Seattle.  
Todd looked up at Dirk as if to say “what was that you just said?” And the two of them entered the store.

 

Dirk looked around the too-bright store, shielding his eyes with his hand like he was watching for whales.  
“Todd, does it look a little more... Strange in here than usual?” He asked.  
Todd looked around as well. There were no patrons or owners in sight, an unusual state for the typically crowded bodega.  
“Yeah. It really does.” He said, leaning over the counter to try to get a look into the back room. “Hello?” He yelled towards the open door. When nobody answered he attempted to climb over the broad counter. He reached over the far edge of the counter to hoist himself up, but touched something damp and sticky.  
“Dirk?” Todd called out quietly, holding his now bloodied hand up to his friend.

“Hello.” A gruff voice responded as she walked through the door, chainsaw in one hand, burger in the other. It was Bart. “Ken’s a dick now.” She said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this show gets an s3 ! Please let me know what you think!


	2. Fair Enough.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The families converge upon one another and Farah’s location is revealed.

Dirk stepped back in mock horror, clutching his chest and cowering against a rack of post cards. He let out a series of clearly staged grunts of fear and finally gasped in an effort to gain the last bit of Todd’s attention and sympathy.

  
“Bart? What are you doing here?” Todd asked the bloodied, matted mess of a girl in front of him. He ignored his overly dramatic companion, who had now slumped to the floor, his hands shielding his face.

  
“Really, Dirk? This still?” Bart grunted as she jumped over the counter and landed feet in front of him.  Dirk winced and then his body relaxed completely, the act finally over.

  
“Yes, Bart, this forever.” He said as he took Todd’s hand to help himself up. Todd rolled his eyes.

  
“Did you... kill Mr. Logan?” Todd said suddenly, wiping the blood from his hand onto his khakis. Bart laughed a sudden and loud laugh and stumbled back toward the counter. She pointed off into the doorway she’d come out of.

  
“You wanna see?” she asked.

  
“No thanks, I trust you had your reasons.” Todd said.

  
“Wait. What are you even doing here? I assumed you’d stayed in Bergsberg.” Dirk said, immediately realizing that it was a dumb assumption.

  
“Uh no, I went to Wendimoor with Panto and then he died and his boyfriend died and then I killed some guys and then I went to Blackwing and then I went to Portland and then I went to Florida and now I’m here.” She said as if Dirk was dumb for not knowing the events and her whereabouts of the past year.

  
“Naturally.” Dirk said, “Wait, you were in Blackwing? How? Are you a clue? Because I am NOT going back there, it’s simply not happening.”

  
“That kid sent me there but I thought I was gonna be better but they just made me mad so I left. Secret government containment facilities don’t work on me.” She said, mouth full of burger.

  
“Right. Okay, so uh... What are we doing here, Dirk?” Todd said, dodging spit and food as Bart chewed with her mouth open.

  
“Fuck if I know, Todd.” Dirk said. His vocabulary had gotten significantly more American in the past year, and it made Bart let out another ear piercing laugh, sending a piece of hamburger right at Todd’s face.

________________________________________________

 

Farah’s jacket had grown a little tight in the biceps. She liked it, and would occasionally flex her muscles against the fabric when nobody was looking.

  
“Hey uh, what’re you doing there, cap?” Hobbs asked her.

  
“Don’t call me cap. Any idea where my holster is?” She said, suddenly turning back to the task at hand: The Case of The Missing Holster. She ignored the string of consciousness wrapped around her brain that forced her into naming every single predicament she found herself in.

  
“You ask Tina? She’s been doing that thing,” Hobbs said, “with the things?”

  
“The thing with the things- what. What?” She said, spinning on her heel to look at Hobbs.

  
“Yeah!” He said, a big smile on his face.

 

 

 

Tina was outside in the cold Montana morning in a sweat suit, pretending to pull her gun on perps and shouting things like “Put ‘em up scumbag!” And “Go ahead, make my day!” Farah approached her from behind, her footsteps as quiet as a mouse and pulled her into a rear naked choke, causing the deputy to drop her gun to the ground and squeal louder than the pig they arrested the week prior.

  
“The heck man I’m practicing here!” She yelled when she realized who it was that had grabbed her.

  
“You’re supposed to be doing PT!” Farah said, letting go of the girl.

  
“I am! I was doing pushups like ten minutes ago!” Tina said, rubbing her neck.

  
“Okay but were they the normal kind or the kind where you eat a Cheeto every time your face gets close to the ground?” Farah asked.

  
Tina smiled goofily and did finger guns at her friends and then went back to doing pushups. Farah squatted down next to her as she struggled on her third one.

  
“I know you hate this but we’ve got a lot on our plate! With Blackwing here in Bergsberg we have hundreds of new people and hundreds of new problems to deal with, not to mention the spike in crime since the quarry shut down. We have a lot to do around here, we need to be perfect.” Farah said.

  
Hobbs put his hands on his hips and shook his head, “Perfect is a hard fish to catch, Farah.” He said.

  
“I... I know. I know that, but we have to be better.” She said quietly, patting Tina on the back before heading back into the Sheriff’s office to answer the ringing phone.

 

 

 

“Bergsberg county Sheriff’s office, what can I help you with?” Farah said into the receiver.

  
“This is Jeanette Long from out here at the Golden Goose Tavern. Is this Deputy Black?” The woman on the other end asked.

  
“Yes, yes it is. What can I help you with?”

  
“Yeah, we have a problem. There’s some... I don’t know what they are but they’re not nice. Can you send Sherlock out?”

  
“Uh, well. What exactly is going on?”

  
“There’s some stuff and they’re not - look we need the sheriff just send out Sherlock.” The woman said and hung up the phone.

  
“Well alright then.” Farah said and went out to join her companions. 

“Hey Tevetino where’s my holster?” she asked, tossing the keys to the cruiser to Hobbs.

  
“It’s in the trunk with the other ones”

  
“Why?”

  
“I was trying to build a wine holster!” Tina said matter-of-factly.

  
“Of course you were. And is my gun with it?” Farah asked.

  
“Duh, that’s police property!” Tina wheezed between jumping jacks.

  
“Load ‘em up boys! I mean girls! Ladies. Women. Just Farah. Load ‘em up Farah!” Hobbs said, jumping into the car. He unrolled the window, “Wait, where to?”

  
“I’ll tell you on the way.” Farah said, smiling and shooting Tina a thumbs up before they pulled out of the driveway.

 

________________________________________________

 

 

”18.643 miles until Seattle boss!” Gripps said, looking at a map he’d found in the glovebox with a children’s toy magnifying glass. The map was for South Dakota. Amanda didn’t question these things anymore.

  
“Any idea where exactly our little friend is staying in Seattle?” Martin asked, turning to look at Amanda in the passenger seat.

  
“I dunno, I figured we’d just get there and you’d be able to.. Smell him or whatever.” She said, aware that she had no plan past find Dirk Gently, “and if not we could just let loose The Beast.”

  
“Fair enough.” Martin said, patting Beast on the head from her seat on the floor between them.

  
“Feend Bibbit. Aye luhya za Bibbit.” She was clutching a yellow gel pen in one hand and a sand dollar she’d found on the Oregon coast in the other.

  
“Yep we’re finding Bibbit.” Amanda said, smiling at the girl. She made a mental note about how good Beast looked in grey, and then how seldom Martin wore grey anymore. She’d mention this to him later.

  
“Feending Bibbit. Aye luhya za Bibbit.” Beast said into the crook of her arm, hiding a smile.

  
Amandas hand went numb. She looked at her fingers and saw an icy black deadness curling it’s way up her fingertips and towards her wrist. Long tendrils of whatever it was were creeping their way up her elbow, bicep and shoulder. It happened so quick she didn’t have time to tell Martin to pull over, and suddenly she was choking. She clutched at her throat with her free hand and thrashed against the seat. The boys in the back of the van were jumping around frantically, causing it to shake side to side. Martin put his palm up at them and stared at Amanda, somehow keeping the van in the lane as they sped down the freeway at seventy miles per hour in the late night traffic. Amanda couldn’t recall what time it was.

  
She shook against the seat and Martin locked eyes with her. Why wasn’t he telling the boys to eat? Beast grabbed Amanda’s blackened hand and shook it violently. How did she know that was the one that was hurting? They passed a sign that said “SoDo NEXT EXIT” and Martin abruptly took it, crossing four lanes of traffic in the process. He careened around a corner towards the ferry, weaved in and out of the bidirectional traffic, turned down side street after side street looking for somewhere to stop, and suddenly, abruptly, he slammed on the brakes, jumped out of the van, ran around and opened Amanda’s door. He pulled her out of the vehicle and laid her flat on the ground. The boys followed.

  
Standing all around her they ate and ate for what felt like forever. Vogel couldn’t eat anymore, sweat dripped off of his nose onto Beast who sat over their boss on the ground. Martin let out a loud scream as the last of the blue energy flowed into him. The boys looked straight up at the night sky which seemed to flicker above them. One by one they dropped their heads to the drummer, Martin lowering his last.

  
It was silent for just a beat too long.

  
Amanda awoke with a start, suddenly clutching a bloodied shirt in one hand and a size seven Skechers loafer in the other.

  
“Todd?” She said, her heart beating too hard for her body.

  
“Amanda?” Todd said from the vestibule of the Stop’N’Shop twenty feet away from her.

  
“Amanda!” Dirk said, pushing past Todd and fending Beast off with one lanky arm. He looked down at the items which had suddenly materialized in her hands. “This is certainly a surprise. Tell me, have you noticed an acceleration of strangeness in your life lately?”

  
Amanda lay her head down and laughed, focusing her energy on the vision she refused to let fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and Kudos on the last chapter :) what are you thoughts this time? I’m doing bite sized chapters instead of full length “episodes,” does that work for y’all? Would you prefer longer lengths? 
> 
> Second order of business: Have you all signed the petition to renew the series? As of writing it is at 27,908 signatures!
> 
> https://www.change.org/p/netflix-renew-dirk-gently-s-holistic-detective-agency-for-season-3-future-seasons

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know your thoughts, questions, concerns, etc. in the comments! I hope this show gets an s3 !


End file.
